albatross

Sunday, December 22, 2002

What would I do if I had access to the FBI's Carnivore? I'd write a program to play Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon. But I could like anyone to Kevin Bacon. For example, let's take Timmy, a twelve-year-old in Missouri:

* Timmy has hacked into the email account of the sales manager of a local car dealership, Peter Handat, and frequently brags about it to his friends.

* Peter just got an email from the wife of a prominent businessman (now deceased) in Nigeria seeking assistance in moving Thirteen and One Half Million Dollars ($13,500,000) from a Lagos bank account.

* This widow has had discussions with one Larry Apstein from Maryland who is now waiting to meet her in a hotel in London.

* Larry's bank account stands at $3,820.52, which is exactly the monthly paycheck of Susan Lanmoy of Los Angeles

* Susan is having a torrid affair with John Lounsman, also of Los Angeles. John thinks his wife doesn't know, but is sadly mistaken.

* John is Kevin Bacon's agent and has been trying to cast him in an insurance commercial.

And the cycle is complete...

Friday, December 13, 2002

I'm at our new office location today. The phone rings and Xavier picks it up. This is what I hear from my end:


"No, nobody handles our pacbell phone bill...We just clamped onto the line and we're stealing service"


"No, we're not interested, goodbye"

I want Xavier to handle all my telemarketing calls from now on.